Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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