Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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