omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
All I want is dick and wine.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
