My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize