You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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