Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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