Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
you never un-have a 4some
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
