so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We are all done wearing pants today
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
