before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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