Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
