She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
