Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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