I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Someone shattered a urinal.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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