Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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