i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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