i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
