Pants 0. Shit 1.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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