So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
