so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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