awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
this beer tastes like vomit already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize