White coat. Heels.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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