My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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