Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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