Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
