The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
