I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
