This is not my ceiling
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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