I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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