how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
