Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
