I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
