Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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