1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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