tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
