i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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