I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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