I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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