So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
