I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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