Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
