Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
where am i from again
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
