Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
