i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
