Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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