He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
