Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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