Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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