Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think I am morally bankrupt
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
