He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
