We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
