I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
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After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
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So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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