they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
