Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
