even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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