I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
