i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
