Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
