weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
