i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
