Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
