just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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