Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
