my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Dick very happy bro
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
