awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she told me i tasted like america
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
