there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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