I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
