Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!š
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him āBeast Modeā. So. Many. Orgasms.
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