My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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