take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
