he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
