my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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