It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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