I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
