so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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