I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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