In America we eat man semen.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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