I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
