You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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