You were right. It hurts to walk today.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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