The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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