please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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