grandma shit on top of the toilet
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
