he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
