I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
