where am i from again
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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