Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How naked do you want me to be?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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