Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
