I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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