Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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