Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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